♥ Gone with a gust of wind.

ENTRIES PROFILE LINKS TAGBOARD REMINISCENCE

; moments of solitary.

26 May 2008

10:59 PM

In this half a year of my sec 3 life, really make me think a lot. I just had a sudden thought of what my primary school teacher had said to my mum. It was something i agreed.

'cause my Chinese teacher asked me to join the higher Chinese class. As my results were far better than those in my class. But I rejected his kindness. Now that i think back. I felt it was a silly decision. I actually wanted to take it up. But i refuse 'cause i don't want to be an odd one out in my class. Especially when i'm a transferred student and have no friend yet.

My teacher just said, 'it's a matter if she wanna be a big fish in a small tank, or a small fish in the ocean.' i think about what have said for the whole day. I know as my character, i'd never want to be a small fish in the ocean. I cannot stand the challenge and stress i have to undergo, to proof everyone i'm capable. I need the achievements i can get when i'm considered a big fish in a small tank to keep me going.

In 2a3, i was able to cope with it. Though i weren't the top few in the class, i was happy with it. I was satisfied with it. And with the caring classmate and especially great form teacher, miss xu, i'd have no problem handling my problems. Stress are just like small little stones that are slowing down my pace. But i'm not affected.

But now... As sec 3's workload is adding on, the stress is coming from everything i'm handling, i'm drowning in it. I know the way i'm handling things now is making life difficult for myself. I'm taking things too seriously when it comes to him.

I'm taking on everything myself. Nobody's helping. Not even him. Not even my friends.. They're not even a listening ear or a shoulder to lean. The only way i could trust is to vent all my unhappiness here. But who'd ever care.

I just want a peaceful life. If i'm given another chance. I'd choose not to be so easily influenced and not choose to be in this class. It's not about the classmates. It's about the teachers and the challenge.